Another Update Already?

I was just reading an e-mail update. Someone I know is currently dealing with infection/hospital/doctors/etc. I can't get it off my mind. Why? Well, sure - Ive been through some of that myself, but mainly because I'm a tad jealous. Surprised you say? Well here it is: her mom is with her. Yes, my parents would join me also - but I always felt guilty for that. My mom made such a show of the effort that it took for her to join me that I always felt more guilty having her there than supported. Then of course there was the constant disagreements with medical choices. If it were her, she would be doing blah blah blah. Somehow the center of attention always turned over to her and her illness and I would lay there just resenting that she even bothered to 'show' she cared. Yes, these are still issues I deal with now - and it has a huge impact on my desicion to live privately out in Colorado. This is also the reason why I usually put Shelly down as my emergency contact instead of my parents.

I will say this. The last two days have been rather painful for me. Not the 'normal' course, but a familiar one all the same. Just knowing that I am not under the watch of my mom has been a HUGE relief. I should mention, I have not given this link to my parents for this very reason. Whether or not it's been leaked out - I don't know.

I feel rather useless when it comes to others in need. I've always relied on humor to get me through my dark times. Those who keep contact during those periods know this (i.e. wanting to know where I'm going to get my girl bonding time if they remove my kidneys... us gals usually hang in the bathroom. Or posting slumber party signs on the hospital room door). This stuff doesn't help others though. Jokes tend to come off sounding more on the insensitive side when they're not about yourself. As a result, I awkwardly shy away from these situations. Know this though, if one of you is going through a trial - you are constantly in my thoughts.

So to this person that I mentioned earlier. May you be supported, and not smothered or controlled. You'll get through this.